My Testimony: Being Led and Leading On

Now, you might remember from my last post that I had decided to never let any girl alter my beliefs. Keep that in mind, because it's pertinent to what happened next.

There was a girl (isn't that how it always happens???) in college, whom I had a crush on. She was in the same major as me, only a year younger, but I was always a grader for her professors, so I didn't want to mix business with pleasure. OK, I was shy and totally scared out of my shorts to even say anything to her, save for teaching her how to do matrices on a calculator and talking about Star Wars. True story! Can you say G-E-E-K???

When I went to graduate school (1800 miles away), we started corresponding via e-mail. I quicky discovered that she was a devout, ultra-conservative Christian, very different from any other religious person I had ever met. She seemed to live what she preached, not just on Sundays, but every day. We both greatly enjoyed our discussions, and as often happens in such cases, we fell in love. OK, not just in love, but head-over-heels, walking-on-Cloud-Nine, miss-your-floor-on-the-way-up-the-stairs (also a true story!) type of love. The kind that makes people around the two of you want to hurl. ;)

But there was a barrier. She loved Jesus, and I didn't. I wanted nothing to do with religion (little did I know that religion and Jesus have nothing to do with each other!). She shared the Gospel with me and told me that she could not maintain a relationship with (much less marry) a guy that did not believe the same as her (turns out she had already gone down that road, and it inevitably led to heartache). Unwilling to even consider "converting", but already head-over-heels for her (note that our relationship was strictly over e-mail, with only a couple phone calls in-between), I kept postponing the issue.

I'm ashamed of this now, but whenever she brought it up, I told her our love was like a car barrelling toward a cliff, without any brakes. I said that we won't know what will happen, but that the ride would be exciting. Inside, I was hoping that we could work it out, that we would stay together, without me having to pretend that I'm a religious person. After all, I wasn't ever going to let a girl change my beliefs.

One afternoon, it came to a head. She said that she had to make a stand for what she believed: in spite of her deep love for me, she could not marry a guy who did not love Jesus as much as she did. I answered that I never would. We broke up.

She cried herself to sleep that night, but she knew, though it hurt, that she made the right decision.